feelings

hi!
i'm in Medan now, day 20 of Ramadhan. i went on Vacation before i got here, i went to Lombok, Bali, Bromo(Malang), Yogyakarta, Semarang, back to Jakarta and now here i am :)
but now i'm not gonna talk about it, actually i wanted to show you our vacation video instead of writing about it, which is more fun, but i don't know what's wrong with this internet connection here, i've been trying to upload it since maybe a week ago but always failed, yeah i'm too depressing about it but still trying :')

so now i'm gonna talk about stuff that i've refused to talk about here, stuff about 'feelings'.
so if you feel like it's just a waste of time reading this unimportant-thing-to-read, i'm telling you, you don't have to :)

you know i stopped talking about my personal life here since i'm not with somebody anymore.
it's like taking thousand healing pills and medications from my mental breakdown about 8 months ago. that's why i never talked about it again, i've been building something that had gone inside of me, haha sounds so stupid but i felt like i walked, talked, laughed, doing things without any feelings cause it crushed.

people say "The First One Is The Hardest". i get that.
i felt like a crazy lunatic. i cried everynight, i cut my hand so many times, well i think i shouldn't tell the details more hehe
i tried to find new things that i can do to keep my mind busy with positive things, i made a YouTube account, yaay! haha i wrote so many songs about him, cause i don't know how to spill out my feelings without causing blood or any bad things :/
the point is, i've tried so hard to get to this part, and it's not easy.

The problem is now, i'm here, in Medan, my house, and it's like every second is a rewind.
few days ago i met him for the first time since he left 11 months ago, kinda sad, isn't it?
and i've struggled with this feeling again and i can't help it.

it's not that i haven't moved on with my life, it's just i miss him. and the fact that every step i make here brings up the past memory, it's hard not to admit it.

mom once said to me:

"if you're meant to be together, you'll be together, no matter wherever you are"

i'm glad tho we're friends now :)

cheers!

here pics of me on my Summer Vacation at Gili Lombok <3>

 

 

anyway, i just made my instagram acc :|
so you can check.. if.. you're.. insterested. :|
 

click on the image

 Toodles!